I have a deep calling to understand this world and to relay the lessons in whatever form possible.
So, I started to get it. This spark is an awakening to the love that is undiluted, untainted, pure, that transcends definitions and ideologies. Understanding it through the lens of books and other great men doesn’t hold value until one is ready to see, feel and experience it.
While still grasping this new, overwhelming truth, I saw myself still in a confused position.
“What now?”, was my question. It was as if there is an outcome or someplace they call heaven where it’s all bliss and light.
I started to talk about it as if it was a concept, something to be learned or attained.
I was so excited to talk about it that I lost hold of what it truly is. I was back to chasing it instead of embodying it.
This turmoil within me started to rise as if a calling to ground myself to the very core of what sparked.
I am certain the path the spark was leading me to is where I want to be and where I want to move forward from. At the same time, the old me with all her conditioning was resisting. She didn’t want to let loose or else she’ll completely disappear.
I know it sounds like I am talking about two people. But it’s really just the old self who was used to her past conditionings and the new self who only sees things as they are.
Between these two worlds, I was starting to dissociate from my perceived false reality, to the reality itself without cover-ups, masks or filters.
It’s just a matter of time and time again until one eventually completely embraces this truth with no qualms, no ifs, no buts.
The thing here is, you will get stuck and sidetracked but there’s no returning back.