The journey of searching for answers has made me somewhat a cynic with the approach of a stoic. I finally started to see my own and others’ qualities in their full brim but there’s really nothing to do about them apart from acceptance. It also felt that I was alone at times because it’s too crazy to believe; I am no longer the same person; and I can no longer put up with the things I used to tolerate.
I express my angst or I don’t. I speak about my dismay if I value a person that much or I don’t. It is easier to not do anything and to go into silence hoping I can make a more meaningful sense of the world rather than nagging those I care about. I believe that everyone’s on their own journey and at this point, I’m done giving off my energy if it’s not welcomed in the first place.
That means that I have no idea on how to participate in life if the people around me project their ego-based selves and cannot bear the truth. My social skills have plummeted because I can’t help but be blunt if necessary. So, I thought of what felt right and it was to go hermit.
I have isolated myself in the past but this time it is different. I am having constant epiphanies and when is the best time to make sense of it but at the very moment they are happening?
I am tired and it’s hard to keep up. But I thank God for my soul tribe- people who are able to pierce through my heart as much as I could pierce through theirs without judgment and with the full awareness that this disintegration is going to create wholesomeness. My beacons of light when mine dims are the same quirky people (according to the normal ones) who understand the idiosyncrasies of my soul’s experience, dead or alive.
On the verge of another existential crisis but on a different level, finally, I found someone who was speaking to me at the level of the heart.
As I was reading the novel of Elif Shafak about 40 Rules of Love, I thought the writer was speaking to me. Rather, it was Shams of Tabriz who was speaking to me because it was him who established these rules. The novel was also based on the encounter between Rumi and Shams of Tabriz.
Shams of Tabriz was a wandering Sufi and Rumi was an Islamic scholar but upon meeting Shams, he started to open his heart and see God in the form of love in everything. His religion was his beacon of light but it was Rumi’s heart that got ignited and that sparked the love he, later on, conveyed through his writings and teachings.
I was stunned to learn these. In fact, it looked very similar to what I was previously saying in my posts. This was a confirmation for me that love, which pervades everything, is the path to enlightenment, to your higher self which eventually leads to God.
I will not describe to you what is indescribable. I will not give form to what is formless. I cannot tell you because I am hoping that you see for yourself, through your very own heart.
Once, I was telling a friend of my communion with love, and I called it God. I was completely dismissed because of how my knowing seemed like blasphemy because it didn’t come from the Holy Qur’an. Or, it wasn’t adoring Christ enough. Or, I am not a religious scholar, that I have to surrender completely to my guru, and more dismissive comments because they conclude there’s only one path to God.
I will not forsake any hand pointing to “truth.” If that truth equates to love, I will start calling it love from now on. Although, I don’t mind calling it God too!
Do you also see how I or you have almost started to dismay each other’s path? We focus so much on the path that we forget the lessons that we have to live by. The teachings are not to be adored but to be embodied.
“Each and every reader comprehends the Holy Qur’an on a different level in tandem with the depth of his understanding. There are four levels of insight. The first level is the outer meaning and it is the one that the majority of the people are content with. Next is the Batm– the inner level. Third, there is the inner of the inner. And the fourth level is so deep it cannot be put into words and is therefore bound to remain indescribable.”#25th of the 40 Rules of Love by Shams of Tabriz
So, as I’m taking you along with my insights of the 40 rules of love by Shams of Tabriz, your insights, how dismissive and or different they may be from mine, are not invalid, as mine are not.
This is an invitation to go beyond the first level of understanding. Would you take the plunge with me as well?